My Seasons…

I began to look at life differently in January of this year. I came to the conclusion that my life was at a precipice. I honestly felt I was going to go further down into my own self-induced drama/depression, or I could reach for a tether, an anchor, a way to stay grounded. I think all of us have gone through one of those moments when you realize you need a change in order to survive as your best self.

I watched a video today which said that when you keep thinking the same things, you hard-wire your brain. Those thoughts become almost like a programmed computer. And if you want to change yourself, it is difficult to truly change who you are. By your thirties you are pretty much you. And here I am, in my mid-60s, realizing I want to be different than I was at the start of 2023, let alone 30 years ago.

To that end I chose to reach out to a friend, who I knew was a woman of deep faith, and we began to do Bible Study together. Our first one, which was completely my choice, was “The Armor of God” by Priscilla Shirer. I cannot fully share in words that will make sense how this changed everything. My perspective is new. My faith is new. Yes, I retain all that I have embraced up until now. But I have added to my “deposit of faith” in a new way. I felt like I was opening a caged area inside myself. Or loosening the ties on a very tight corset. I was finally breathing in a way I had not done before. I felt the breath of the Holy Spirit, for perhaps honestly, the first time in my life.

I have never denied the Trinity. Not in the least. But somehow my focus in my faith journey has been on God the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ. Both of whom I have always dialoged with, freely, in my mind and heart and soul. But somewhere inside me there was a very tight cage. A corset with many tight strings. And I realized I had not been able to fully inhale, in perhaps, forever.

This study spoke about the Shield (of Faith) we take up, and the Helmet (of Salvation) we wear. The Shield is to be kept damp with the tears we shed (my interpretation) and the Holy Spirit. The Roman soldiers would wet their shields before battle. It made it more difficult for the arrows (Satan) to penetrate the wood. They would form these “turtle” formations where each soldier would raise his shield (of Faith) in just the right way, so that no one was exposed to incoming arrows (community of believers). And if one came through, they had their helmets (of Salvation) tightly in place. Of course, wearing the Breastplate (of Righteouness), kept in place by the Belt (of Truth), and their feet shod with their boots (of Peace).

I realized I had not been arming myself with all the things I have needed in this life. And that Helmet of Salvation was so key for me. The Lord has adapted it so it covers our minds, our ears, and our cheeks. It comes around our mouths. It encapsulates who we are; our perception of ourselves. And it helps us to be our better selves. We wear that helmet and nothing gets through…especially when we are surrounded by our full Armor of God.

Most people just put their feet on the floor and start their day, going down the same mental pathways we are used to traversing. And therein lies the key to change. We have to mentally break away from that pathway. Take the road less traveled. Begin again before our feet ever touch the floor. “Thank you, Lord, for another day! I am breathing! Let’s do this…” is what I am trying to embrace. And believe me, it is not easy. For me, I wake every day in pain. It’s my back and my shoulders. Some days I walk straight to my medicine drawer in the bathroom and put this pain cream on my back and shoulders. So I can even tolerate putting on my slippers. And then I make my way out to drink some coffee and do my morning blood sugar reading. Trying to change my brain when my body is yelling at me with all these arthritic pain signals is tough. I am trying to change how I treat myself and am hopeful new avenues in my basic self-care will enact changes in my body. (Ever hear of Magnesium Spray? It’s a new thing I am trying. Google it!).

And I am now doing a study on the Book of Haggai entitled, “Take Courage” by Jennifer Rothschild. I am in awe of her. She has been blind since she was 15. Her demeanor, her joy, her charisma is a wonder to behold. And she is squeezing every last meaning out of just 36 verses of Scripture. Haggai is the second-shortest book in the entire Bible. But boy, oh boy, am I learning so much about me and how I react to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. What am I praying for? What are my expectations of God? Who am I carrying the rock for? (From a great African Folk Tale). It is soul-searching and I love her approach so much. Another great Bible Study to enlarge my perspective on my faith. God is endlessly patient with me. Thanks be to God for His Mercy!

And so this first quarter of 2023 has seen some changes in me. I am learning so much. I am sleeping far better than I have in months, and I am panicking almost never. God has graced me with the Gift of the Holy Spirit that I never knew I was missing. I end each day in prayer. I wake each morning trying to start with a prayer of thanksgiving. I am in Scripture daily. And I have learned to be a fervent, directed prayer warrior. As it says in Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” And in Ephesians, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Eph 6: 12-13).It is upon us to learn to arm ourselves so that we can stand against all the evil of this world. And I am learning how to do that better and better every day.

Ephesians 3:14 “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.” This is one verse out of many that gives me so much peace. My family, your family, we are all named by God in the heavenly realm. He knew us in our mother’s wombs (Jer 1:50) and he named us. He knew us and He knows us. Every family. All my kids, all my grandkids. All of us. And in Deuteronomy we are told: “Give generously to Him and do not let your heart be grieved when you do so. And because of this the Lord will bless you in everything to which you put your hand.” (Deut 15:10). And so we dedicate all we do and who we are to God, and He will bless us. In our hearts and in our lives. We give ourselves to God for His glory. It is the sole reason we exist, to glorify God. Wow.

I wish you peace. I wish you comfort in God. Glorify Him in all you do. I’m just amazed that I can still learn and still grow and still be a daughter of the King. His mercy endures forever.

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…and here we are….

Well, it is Alaska. We do get snow. And we have. It is February. That darn rodent saw his shadow again this year. They are calling for 12 weeks of winter still left for us up here. That rat said 6 weeks, but that’s for the lower 48. Up here…well, we got to see the sun today. I cannot even explain to you how exciting that is. I have all our blinds open. And I got to see our newest level of snow-blown “snow berm” around our house. It started snowing on Friday and pretty much kept it up until this morning, which is Tuesday. My poor husband is the consummate snow plow guy. He looks so frozen when he is plowing and shoveling the snow, but I think he secretly likes it.

Of course, he will vehemently deny his pleasure, but look at that smile! LOL! It’s snowing so much you cannot see across the street. But he is so good. He tries to leave me a clear pathway and exit for my car from the garage. The way the winds blow, it blows across my side of the garage and skips his side. And I’m the one with the granny sedan. He has a big, ole 4-wheel drive, 4-door-truck! LOL. He travels for work and we laugh because for the 2 weeks in a row he was home, we had just a little snow. He was leaving Monday and of course it starts pounding us with snow on the Friday before. He plowed Saturday. It snowed Sunday. He plowed again before he left for the airport Monday morning; it snowed 4″ at least by the time I went to bed on Monday. So once again, I am stuck. But you know what? I kinda like it. Shhhh….

I’ve been in a slight slump. A lot is facing me and I just flat out am done. My stress is high. I’ve sort of just shut down. I rarely sleep a full night. I have these lovely zinging things all over my skin from Covid. It’s been 2 years and I still have after-affects. And the zings all over my skin wake me up and then I stress out and break out in full on sweat-mode, leading into a panic attack. But you know what? I have chosen to take that to task and be done with all of that, too.

I started to attend a women’s Bible Study. And I am finding peace there. It is so wonderful to sit around a table with a cup of coffee and chat about the faith with women who try really hard to live their faith – every day. And boy, are they fervent prayer warriors! Wow. I stand in abject awe at how they grasp the promises of Christ and act on them in praying for everyone who asks it of them. And we are seeing the scriptures in a new light. The Book of Romans is no easy task, that is for sure. But growing in God’s Word has been – it’s hard to describe – but because of this weekly Study, the stress is going way, way down. I can sigh and feel relief. I am so glad my dear friend, Michelle, invited me to attend with her.

In addition to that, I also started a Bible Study with my good friend, Rhonda. We are doing a book entitled, “The Armor of God,” based on Ephesians 6. I cannot fully express how this has invaded my heart, mind, and soul, And today, in week two, day two, I chose to fully claim the promise of Christ, which is to live in God’s truth, and to reach for that righteousness that is in me, through my faith. I refuse to allow the times and the “tempter” to trample my peace; to keep me awake at night in full panic mode; to procrastinate becoming the woman I know I am inside.

Do you ever feel like if you could just get the right key, you could unlock everything inside of you that has you caged in? This idea came to me when we were discussing the “belt of truth” and the “breastplate of righteousness” in Ephesians. The abject truth that never changes. The righteousness that our faith imparts to us through the gift of the Holy Spirit. And I just can’t quite reach the lock…

I tend to be a conservative in pretty much everything. I am not an “Hallelujah” shouting sort of Christian. I was raised with decorum in Church. You do not speak when others are. You dress nicely – your Sunday best – for Church. You behave at all times (parents always threatened us – which is rather ironic, if you think about it). And yes, I was taught formulaic prayer and I cannot tell you how comforting that was when I was hospitalized all alone with Covid. I have never prayed so much in my life. Hours would go by and I’d still be calling on all the saints and angels, and everyone I knew, to pray for me and my husband to be healed and out of there! But I have never been a specific, directed, praying person in the sense of just praying to God. I always start my prayer times with, “Jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Always. But now I feel like I can claim the promises God gave us. When I am awakened now, I pray that Jesus remove the stress from my heart; that He remove the affects of Covid from my body and help me to fully heal; that I give in to Him all these silly issues and allow Him to direct it all. I beg for Satan stop beating on me with his knowledge of my weaknesses. I ask Christ to hedge me with my salvation in Him and a protection against evil in my life. I beg for a restful sleep. And I thank Him for dying on the Cross for me. In those words. In fervent prayer. And then I restfully go back to sleep. It has been amazing.

My husband had a very important phone call the other day. And I knew he was wanting a certainty from this call, and I know he was nervous. So after he closed himself into his office for the call, I retreated to our main bathroom. I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for my day, and I just started fervently praying. And I mean, I was praying! I was leaning on God so much, and I was expressing my desires for my husband and the person he was speaking with. And I kept at it. I realized, suddenly, that my husband was standing in the doorway looking at me. He asked me, “Were you singing?” And I replied, “Nope. I was praying for you and for that that phone call.” He seemed to be happy that I was so caught up in the prayer, I did not notice him approach. And as it turned out, the phone call/meeting turned out exactly as I had been praying for. God will work miracles – we just need to lay it all out there for Him to work. We believe; we pray. God acts.

Somehow, I was able to crack open that cage inside of me and allow God full access. And I am allowing my heart and head full communion with all of this. Working as a woman on a mission – to become a better me. To allow God to work in me through His gift of the Holy Spirit, through my faith in Him. Wow. What a total blessing.

And because of this, He is allowing me to accomplish things I have been putting off. He is giving me the confidence and the grace to do these tasks I have felt were beyond my ability. I am tackling them one issue at a time and somehow He is giving me this peace that is washing over me in waves…all the while allowing me to do what I have been afraid to do. I am breathing quieter and finding strength where I did not know I had it.

“I call to you Lord, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. May my prayer rise before You like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers…”

Psalm 141:1-4

This prayer is said daily in the Eastern Churches, as well as the Orthodox. And I find this prayer so comforting. And as I am making my way as an older woman, seeing the sunset get ever closer, I feel a need so deep to work this out with God. To know Him as He knows me. To allow Him to work in me and through me. To allow myself the peace that is Christ. And to share this with my family and friends. Yes, it is winter. The snow is everywhere – both on the ground and metaphorically in our hearts and minds. But the promise of Spring – the Light – is an eternal promise. Let us all grasp for that promise.

“And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous. And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn’t just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recorded for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God.”

Romans 4:22-25

Been awhile…

As the saying goes, It’s been a hot minute” since I last blogged. There has been so much in my world that I just did not want to sit and type. LOL. And sometimes this over-arching need to share every moment gets tiresome – I honestly do not need to see everyone’s latest recipe or drink they invented! I am toying with dropping out of social media. It sure wears on your soul. We do not have local or national TV in the house; we stream what we want to see. So I miss headlines now and then. My husband dropped out of an online messaging group and he noticed immediately how his overall demeanor and stress level lowered and smoothed out. What we take into our heads, and surround ourselves with, truly influences who we are.

We traveled to see our middle son and his family. They relocated pretty much across the country from where we live. It takes 17 hours of flying. Not the most fun thing. However, we had oodles of miles and were able to upgrade; I got spoiled. Hubby was attending a conference near where our son lives for a week. He flew out and I joined him at the end of the conference. Which meant I had to fly by myself. Don’t make fun of me! I spend most of my time at home, or with my husband. Occasionally I see close friends and our family, but I rarely leave the state, let alone by myself. Plus I had to leave our dogs…arrangements to be made, etc. Anyway, I had to deal with layovers and connecting flights and lugging my packages in my rolling suitcase (took fun stuff to the kids) through the airports. There were SO MANY PEOPLE!! Don’t get me wrong; I am no recluse. However, where I live, there are only 700,000 in the entire state, and it’s Alaska. There’s a lot of space in-between all those people! LOL! Airports and airlines are crowded things. Ugh.

It was fun to see the country from the air, though. Flying during the day is new to me; it seems like all the flights out of Alaska are in the middle of the night! So, I took lots of photos of how flat the country is. From one side to the other. Flat. Just sayin’! LOL!

Going to a place you have never been is exciting on so many levels. The architecture; the layout of the old towns; the miles of fields and farms. I loved every moment of our visit. The small towns were the best. Some of the buildings were literally from the early 1800s. Gas stations from the 1940s. Signage you know has been up longer than I’ve been alive! The antiques. The prices! Oh my word. It is far less expensive than up here. I came home with Amish butter – if you have never had it, treat yourself. I brought home Amish honey in big jars for $10. Unheard-of up here. I was able to see America like I never have and I am beyond thrilled my grandchildren are being raised there.

It was so incredible to drive down some of these roads and see homes that have been lived in for 100s of years. Farms that have been in families for generations. Downtowns with spires and grand town halls, complete with bell towers. Regular, normal families walking down these streets with their kids. Small businesses eeking a living out of small town life. Little cafe’s and wonderful local parks. Schools where the busses pick up and drop off every student, at their house. Where all the kids get hot breakfasts and lunches – regardless of economic need. Where you can walk to the local drugstore and see hand made soap for sale (yes, I brought some home). And where people know their neighbors. It was a much needed trip to once again feel good about this country. To glimpse into the diorama of quiet life in small towns. I actually got to see an Amish farmer driving his black buggy down the street. I was so excited I forgot to snap a photo. It was a long enough stay, in a quiet small town, that I desperately want to go back again, even with layovers and 17 hours of flying.

The trip was over too soon and we had a tearful goodbye. And then we got home and discovered we had brought with us our grandchildren’s bugs. Sigh. The day after we got home we found out our grandchildren’s school closed because too many kids were sick. Yay me! So for a few weeks in November, we both had the crud. (Not c19 or anything, just seasonal crud). I was still busy submitting campaign information for our local elections, so it kept me occupied at home. I couldn’t work the polling place because of the crud, but I kept my fingers in the pot. LOL.

One of the amazing things about Alaska is the snow. It is gorgeous. We had what we are calling the Blizzard of ’22. We got snow upon snow upon snow. And the 75 mph winds were insane. Power outages galore. Hubby was out of town when it hit and I was able to shovel the front to clear a path for our new stove to be delivered (haven’t had a working one in months) and to get our wood stove going. I was proud of myself. Poor man had to trudge up the driveway and dig himself out in order to even bring his truck to the house. What a way to end a week traveling! The snow was deep. We had 6-foot berms in our front yard. No joke.

Our dogs love the snow. And when it piled up that high, they loved the advantage! Maggie is barking to let me know she’s ready to come inside. Kolbe had looked out there and chose to stay inside with me. LOL. Smart guy! The snow got so high, it is over our 6-foot fences in the back, so the dogs now go outside on leads. Otherwise they think it is ok to just walk over the fences into everyone else’s yards. The winds also pushed the snow so we have portions of grass on one side showing, with 7+ foot snow berms on the other side of the yard. Most people say we set records for snowfall and winds. We already had the record for the most rainfall this summer. Alaska. We won’t have a drought anytime soon. Snow melt season is gonna stink!

I am thankful the temperature is back up into the 30s. Those -20s were a killer. The hubby went ice fishing this weekend and they didn’t even set up their tents. Heaters were going, but they were able to sit outside. That’s something!

Christmas came and went. In-between the holidays, we celebrated 38 years of marriage. We had a nice meal out, just us two. And then New Year’s came and went. Another wonderful evening just the two of us. We had been invited out for fireworks, but honestly, blowing snow and 35 degrees? Nah. Wood stove, a nice cup of hot coffee, and a good movie…we were fine. In bed by 10pm. LOL!

And here we are. Months after my last post. No one hardly comes to read my blog anymore. And that is fine, too. Everything has its season. Perhaps my blogging days are winding to a close.

I had a doctor’s appointment for blood work follow up and my annual physical. (That experience could entail an entire post!) I’m fine, by the way. I’m 1″ shorter than I used to be. A few pounds less, and I was consistently told things like, “for a woman of your age,” or “well, considering your age, ” and “you are in that bracket of 65 and older now, ” and “you qualify for the monthly medicare foot-care clinic.” Ugh. I finally told them to knock it off! I’m not that old. Good heavens!! In a way, maybe I am getting too old to opine on social media. Once people hear I have 6 grandchildren and graduated from high school in the early 70s, they tend to place me in the “irrelevant” category. I have always noticed that because of my size (still overweight, with gray hair) people don’t notice me too much. I blend into the background. Now that I am older, it seems that what I have to say, or add to the conversation, is not as germane as it once was. And that makes me sad. Pissed a little, too. Because when I see the idiots in our legislature here and on the national stage, I know they could use some old-time wisdom. Some people just age..they skip the wisdom part. And if my voice no longer carries outside my living room walls, maybe that is the right order of things. It’s up to my kids now; their generation is becoming the ones running things. My dad, who is 96, still rages against his cage in the memory facility he lives in. But I am glad he’s still angry – it means he’s still thinking and things are not right, on some level. And he’s locked away, no longer relevant to the world. It’s sad when you start realizing that you are one of the “old people” walking around. LOL.

Thinking on it all, I do have much to say, but there is a lot of clatter out there. I don’t want to become another “clanging gong” in amongst all the others. My posts may become irregular, or perhaps even cease altogether. I’ll ponder it and see what I feel as life moves along. I cling to my faith first and foremost, and to my husband and our love for one another, my family, and my friends. My circle is quite small these days.

And I try to be my best self where I am. I think God wants that of us all. Participate locally, to make this world a better place. And comment on your life once in awhile. I think that’s where I’m headed. Who said aging is a cup of tea??? LOL…

“On the road again; can’t wait to be on the road again…”

On the road again….making memories..

I took a break from blogging and social media. We left town for a few days. It rained at least 50% of the time, but we were gone! The rain was loud on the camper, but wonderful at the same time! We drove another long, long drive to Valdez, Alaska. It is about 6.5 hours. With no radio reception. All my hubby and I did was chat. It was a slice of heaven. No interruptions. No sounds other than the ones that come with driving a long ways. Some funny things? My FitBit thought I was walking. Honestly. I kept getting notices that I had met my hourly goal of 250 steps. By the time we got to Valdez, my daily 10,000 steps were done. I cracked up. The only thing I can figure is that the roads are just so bumpy my Fitbit thinks I’m walking. So I arrived in Valdez exhausted from all those steps and the immensity of the conversation I had with my hubby.

Kolbe and Maggie on our bed in the camper.

When I pack for vacation, I make our bed. Clean sheets. Blankets. Whole thing. Well, the dogs got into the camper and immediately made themselves comfy. And the bed was messy the rest of the trip!!

Rainy Saturday

Valdez is a port city. It gets lots of rain. So this weekend was no exception. We got a lot of rain. But I truly did not mind. I love it there. For some reason, I relax. The mountains are all around us. My granddaughter and I counted 21 glaciers around us. We could see countless waterfalls. The colors of fall were just making their way over the mountains. It was a beautiful site to camp and explore.

The first fish of the trip…

This trip ended up being more about fishing with grandpa than sightseeing. And even though they were fishing in the rain, it was still a lot of fun. Ever heard of the term, “combat fishing”??? I had but I had never seen it. This trip, we lived it. It was pretty incredible. There was a late-season, heavy, silver run of salmon. And everyone that loved to fish was there. LOL. I kid you not…fishing was side-by-side and if you left your “spot” another fisherman would quickly take it. Even if that someone was a kid. People were catching their limits in 4-5 hours. And the fish were big.

Valdez Labor Day 2022

I’m not sure if you can fully grasp how many people there are, but look at the photo above. Please note there are RVs and trucks, cars and campers parked all along the roadway until after the curve. There are people all on the rocks as far as there are cars. It was crazy. Raining off and on, and sort of chilly. But the fish were running, so the fishermen were there!

I learned about all the different sorts of salmon. I still couldn’t tell them apart. I suppose if I studied them, I could. But fishing is not my thing, so I just didn’t put forth the collegiate effort to learn! LOL! My granddaughter learned about fish, and zombie fish. The “fish” are swimming as if their lives depended on it (because it does) to reach their spawning grounds. It’s what salmon do. They are born in these rivers, migrate to the ocean, and after 2-3 years (depending on which type of salmon they are) then they return in early fall to spawn and die. Once they spawn, their life cycle is complete. The zombie fish are the ones who have been swimming for a long time but have not been able to reach their spawning ground. They keep swimming even after they have begun to actually decay. It is sad, really, to see all the dead fish that are floating around. There are literally 1000s that die before making it back. The wildlife take care of most of it, and nature takes care of the rest.

My granddaughter was appalled to watch fishermen reel in a zombie and throw it onto the rocks and it slowly flop around until they died. These fish have no chance of survival and they are not good to eat (decay has already begun). So most fishermen just let them die on the rocks, rather than throw them back to the sea. My granddaughter told her grandpa that “No fish should be just left to die out of the water. That is mean. We need to put them back in.” So whenever grandpa, or her dad, brother, or even she herself caught a zombie, she made sure they were “set free” back to the ocean. We all rolled our eyes but also smiled at how sweet that was. We all knew these zombies were doomed, but we loved her heart.

First Catch – Zombie fish…

She delighted in everyone’s first catch. When she got hers, she was so excited. Then realized it was a zombie. But dad and grandpa had to crawl over the rocks to be sure that zombie got to swim away. What a precious memory!!!

Me and Kathleen

My daughter-in-law and I supervised from the shoreline. We didn’t last as long as the men! We took off to look at the fish weir and watch the sea lions and harbor seals catching their own fish…

Sea Lions Labor Day. Valdez 2022

This trip we counted more than 27 sea lions at one time, catching fish. Oh my goodness are they loud. Not as loud as all the gulls, mind you, but between the sound of the fish weir (waterfall), the gulls, and the barking sea lions, it is not a quiet spot! And it is never dull. So much wildlife to see. And they could care less that they have an audience!

Valdez Waterfall

This is just one of the hundreds of waterfalls in and around Valdez. We drove – well, bounced – up this crazy road – trail – rock pile – to find this waterfall so the family could pan for gold. The story of me driving over a rickety old wooden bridge is a story in and of itself. And my eldest son was a total brat and teased me so badly about my fear of old, rickety, wooden bridges. Anyway, I digress. We found this amazing space through some trees to this waterfall. The water was brisk and bracingly cold, but nonetheless, shoes were discarded and silt was placed into pans and gold was hunted.

Is it????

Could it be????

I think there is a spec in there, Grandma!!!

It was so much fun to be out in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and to run across another family biking or hiking. We would nod our heads at them like we shared a secret. We finally were doing what people think you do if you camp in Alaska! LOL! We had a great afternoon. We then chose to get all our moose chili fixings and return for high tide to try and catch more fish. Along the trek back to the trucks, I took some photos of the little things we passed by…

Spores in Valdez

Moss??

Fish 2 was caught!

And we had another happy fishing session. It was interesting to watch our grandkids disengage from electronics and enjoy the company of family, learning a new sport, and spending time outdoors in this amazing place we all call home.

The afternoon passed quickly in hunt of the perfect fish. The people were congenial and helpful. Fishermen love to share lore and tricks and special ways of snagging the fish. They all helped the kids with nets at the ready, and encouraging words. It was great. And people were from all over. But we noticed a majority were from Fairbanks, with Valdez being their only ocean access. And that boggled the mind for me. We have so few roads and have to make our way around mountains and rivers – there are no direct routes anywhere.

Our route is through Glennallen to Valdez

We looked at maps and I guess it’s about the same mileage as from Anchorage. It just seemed further from Fairbanks. There is a sign along the highway where it says something like “Anchorage 312 miles/Fairbanks 320 miles” so I guess it’s a similar drive. These people come every year for the silver run, and usually around Labor Day. I’m thinking we may return next year, too!!

We then drove out to the Valdez Glacier Lake and the glacier field. It was incredibly beautiful.

Floating Glacier Ice

Valdez Glacier Lake

We spent quite a lot of time there, gathering silt water in plastic bottles. They are fun to have because if you mix the water and the silt in the clear plastic, over time the heavy stuff goes to the bottom and you get to see all the layers of goodies contained in a glacier field. It gathers bits of the earth as it moves along the mountains. Most of the contents are quite literally thousands of years old. What a beautiful place!

Valdez Glacier Tributary

We chose to stop along the way to dig in some silt and look for “Squatch trees” along the river banks, only to realize they are across on sandbars and that water is far too cold and moving too quickly to even attempt to grab a tree. And if you do not know what a “Squatch tree” is, you can read my previous posts or research it. All I can say is, “Who knew?” LOL.

Valdez Harbor

After meandering through town, we drove out to the Harbor. It was just so darn pretty outside. We could walk along the harbor, among the boats, and see the fishermen bringing in their catch to process. We looked at the boats and spoke fantastical dreams about owning one of them (It will never happen) and joked about the amazing number of salmon and halibut we would catch. Then we found these amazing food trucks. The scent wafted over the seashore and had us practically drooling. We went back to our trailers and sat in the sun munching on the most delicious street tacos! They were simply the best any of us have had in – well – maybe the best ever!! So so good!

Grandkids being kids…loved it.

We were coming to the end of our trip to Valdez. Once more the fishermen headed out to see what they could catch. The kids have been bitten by the fishing bug. Grandpa is very happy about that. They were successful and we then made a great dinner and started to wind down our journey. We all retreated to our trailers to start the packing process. We had some of our usual evening, warm, Golden Milk and settled in for our final night of camping, ready to drive home the next day.

Valdez Harbor

As we were getting ready to leave, heavy clouds rolled into the bay, and and the weather was getting rough. We had winds the night before and we knew more rain was coming, so the timing for us was good. We did not leave as early as we would have liked, but we also didn’t mind being there longer. Valdez has mesmerized us and we can all imagine many more happy days camping and fishing and exploring. This was probably our last camping trip of 2022. It seems weird to close the door on that part of our lives, for now. We have plans to map out next summer’s schedule and deciding where we want to go. We will be making camping reservations early in January for the entire summer, to ensure we get good camping sites, in all the places we have come to love, but also plan to explore areas north of us. It is exciting to even think about. But today the winds are whistling, we have heavy rains, and yellow leaves dot our lawns. Summer is pretty much over, and so is traveling the roads of Alaska with our dogs and our camper until next season. What a grand summer it has been.

Valdez in the rearview…till next time!

Objective truth is the same for everyone…well, it once was.

AIn’t that the truth??

I have become sort of cynical in recent times. Mostly because I see things, and see them as life-long objective truths, that are now being poo-poo’d as myth and legend. And then there are things that were once historical legend, that are being put forth as lost truths. Lost history. Things held back from “common knowledge.” If you are any sort of fact-digger, you know what I mean when I say that there are so many “rabbit holes” we can go down. There are times when I find hours missing and just a handful of new facts to digest. Sometimes it is so well hidden you have to dig, redirect, and start a new dig, all after the same thing.

There are many subjects to check out:

• Tartaria and the Mud Floods
• Flat Earth
• Nessara/Gessara – why did the Pope just ask all church monies be sent immediately to Rome?
• 9/11
• Pentagon
• Election fraud
• C19 and Big Pharma fraud
• Rockefeller and institutional medicine and pharma
• NASA and the entire concept of outer space and moon landings
• Organized religion and the history of its patriarchal structure
• Common folklore around the world (floods, saviors, angels, giants, etc)
• North and South Poles
• South Pole treaty and why it’s off limits to common people
• Food shortages – why they are trying to starve us
• C19 injection injuries and all these deaths – sudden adult death syndrome – young athletes and children dying
• Supply train issues – truckers, train operators, dock workers. What is happening worldwide?
• Monkey Pox and polio – seriously? Another lockdown??
• Trump Derangement Syndrome – why the sudden hatred of all things conservative? Trump, the Republican party, candidates, election outcomes, primaries, etc. Why did Biden just enlist Tik-Tok to help with the upcoming elections in November????
• Ageism. Why the push to get rid of the elderly? Why push vaccines on them? Why house them in all these homes/institutes?
• Simple one – Fluoride. Why is it in our toothpaste and water? It’s not about cavities at all. Look into this…it’s the beginning of healthier living. While you’re at it, look into aluminum, too. Quit using aluminum deodorant and foils. Seriously.
• The push to outlaw natural medicines and herbs. Why is that? See Rockefeller and medicine. It will explain a lot.

One of my favorite authors – Sahara, etc. Great books!

There is so much that has been buried and lost to us. SO much. I wish each of you reading this would take some time and choose one of the issues I listed above and just dive into it. The list is far from complete, and I have learned far more than just these things. However, this list has changed me – inherently changed me. I no longer accept common knowledge as fact. I certainly disavow TV pundits and “news” programs. I believe this quote is perfect:

And yet, here we are!

It’s paramount to your health, and your livelihood, and longevity to search out alternate answers to common questions. For example, the CDC backed off people who chose not to vaccinate. They now tell us unvaccinated, with their natural immunity, are equal to the vaccinated. That we no longer require quarantine or social distancing. Masking accomplishes nothing. Children, when exposed to C19, no longer have to stay home from school. Oh my goodness, a huge study I listened to yesterday cited the study of the PCR tests. 1000s of them. Not a single one was positive for C19. At several universities. Not a single positive result. We have been manipulated and lied to. For years. One of the pharmaceutical companies is suing the other for stealing their covid shot formula, that they had worked on for YEARS before covid was even a thing. And it was patented, too. Beyond evil, what was done to the world because of a phony virus. And now they are telling us it is Monkey Pox? Dig into that one. Yuck. And trust me, you more than likely have nothing to worry about. And the resurgence of polio? Try looking into the fallout from repeated boosters for Covid. Yeah.

There is so much more to say. But in the long run, you will make choices that will affect your life until the end of your life, and beyond. Choose carefully. God will not be mocked. In the end, God wins. Period. There is still objective truth, because it is God’s truth. Search for it. Cling to it. Demand it of your circle, or tighten the circle. Learn and grow in the wisdom of God, not of man.

Trust God.

Be prepared.

Have faith. Always.

“…eternal joy to the soul.”

My heart is full.

We just returned from a glorious five-day journey down to Valdez, Alaska. My heart is so full. There were so many firsts on this trip. First of all, it was a 6.5 hour drive. We split the initial drive into two parts and spent the night halfway, in an area called Tolsono. It was simply gorgeous. It rained most of the time, but between the raindrops the mosquitos were out in full force and we were all so grateful we were staying just one night!! The showers were amazing, but the mosquitos sort of killed the joy. LOL.

Tolsono Campsite View

This campsite is almost stereotypical of what you would expect when camping in Alaska. And it is everything I had wanted to experience. What I did not take into account is that to the right of this photo is a stagnant area of water. Kinda greenish. Yeah. Mosquito hatchery in full swing. LOL. But even saying that, I would return. I would plan around mosquito season and also take lots and lots of netting and bug spray. The sound of the stream going by our camper was so cathartic. It was mesmerizing and I fell deeply asleep in no time at all. We chose to forgo breakfast and even coffee, because of the bugs. We took off towards Glenallen, which was a short hop, to gas up and get some breakfast. We ate on the road…

Bridal Veil Falls Outside Valdez, with my grandson.

Our first big stop was outside Valdez at Bridal Veil Falls. They were magnificent. My grandson and I walked around to try and get a good view of them. It was pouring rain but it just didn’t matter. The sound of the falls was overpowering and the beauty was just stunning. In person, what a magnificent stop!!

We drove through to Valdez and it was full of rain and curves and so much to see. The roads are typically Alaskan….bumps and potholes…but the views make up for it! Valdez is on the coast and is a fishing town, as well as where the Alaskan Pipeline ends. We saw so many fishing vessels, as well as lots of oil tankers. The tide is pretty stark – when it is in it is so flush with water, but when it is out, there are miles of mud. It was pretty incredible. We could see distant glaciers, and even drove past one that we took the time to drive to on a different day. Worthington Glacier. Amazing.

One of the many piers in Valdez

We happened upon a festival that we had no idea was occurring the same weekend. We traversed some booths and had some good food. It was still raining like mad, so we chose to visit the local museum. It was filled with dioramas of the big earthquake and tsunami that flattened Valdez and it was not the best thing my grandkids wanted to see, so we ventured out into the rain and chose to go to the Fish Hatchery across the bay. Oh my goodness. Literally the highlight of our trip!!

Valdez Hatchery

This is a view of the Hatchery, on the right, as we approached along the highway. The clouds settling into the mountains made this view just incredible. And yes, it was still raining!! LOL.

I was so imbued with nature. It was surreal. Being raised in Southern California, where nature is held at bay and contained behind fences and cement pools and glass enclosures, this day was monumental for me. For all of us, really. It was so cool that we all experienced this first together. And I’m going to just post a series of photos. And even though I think they are pretty good, the sights and sounds just cannot be fully conveyed in a photograph!

Sea Lions gorging themselves on salmon trying to spawn upstream. Valdez, Alaska

Brown bears gorging on spawning salmon. Valdez, Alaska

Sea Lions-Salmon-Gulls

Lone Gull taking a rest…

Herd of female sea lions barking out orders for the males hunting…

Hubby and I with sea lions behind us.

I cannot fully express how wonderful this experience was. It was so loud – the sea lions barking at each other and all the gulls squawking at each other…it was a cacophony of the sounds of nature. Right in front of us. Life and death. Right in our faces. Incredible. The brown bears were along the roadside as we left the hatchery and the salmon ladders. The salmon spawn all over the coastline in Valdez. And when the tides were in, it was a feeding frenzy for all the wildlife. It rained the entire time we were there, but it was so incredible, we simply ignored the weather.

Valdez Harbor, Alaska

I wish that everyone would have an opportunity to ignore media. To stop rushing here and there. To sleep in the middle of nature, rain and all. To take in the glory that is the creation of God. We are so blessed to live here. And this weekend, we experienced so much more than what I have shared here. I actually went into a shale-lined, water-filled dark cave that was created in a rush to create a faster access from McCarthy and the Kennicott Mine to the sea and the ships that could take the copper. It was blown into the side of the mountain. The back side of the cave was where they gave up creating a train tunnel. I do not do caves. LOL. But my kids encouraged me, held my hand, and my husband was by my side the entire time. I overcame my fear and made it out the other side!! We climbed up to a glacier. We went on a tour of the hydro-electric plant. The kids went gold-panning. We walked up to and touched the Alaskan Pipeline. We drove through hours and hours of God’s country, displaying all its glory. We saw fireweed blooming, eagles soaring, and incredible mountains. I just pray that other people can be blessed to experience this amazing place called Alaska.

The Cave

Rainy days and roadways…

A friend asked me to accompany her and another of our friends on a one-day, round-trip of about 4 hours each direction. We were going to a place I’ve always wanted to go, so I immediately said I would go. Three women, a little heeler, and a trailer! What could possibly go wrong?? LOL!

First photo of our trip…

I have to say, Alaska is so beautiful, it doesn’t matter where you go, you encounter more and more natural beauty. Those of us who live here, we still are in awe. And it never gets old. I have had friends actually tell me it is wilderness overload. I just do not get that. In my mind, you can never have too much wilderness! But I suppose if all you are ever used to is asphalt all around you and scripted living situations (master planned communities and highways connecting you to everything, with no break in city after city – aka SoCal) it would overwhelm you. So in that respect, I do get it. And one of the most ironic things for me about living in Alaska is that almost every driveway has some sort of recreational vehicle in it; even it if is a fishing boat or a stack of kayaks, 4-wheelers or snow machines, or even sheds filled with tents and gear – Alaskans sense that they want even more of the paradise we live in. Our neighborhoods are filled with trees and brush and so many homes have driveways that, if you don’t know the exact location, are completely hidden from the passersby on the roads. We reside in this wilderness and embrace it fully.

Isabel Pass

On our road trip, this was a mandatory stop. Above is Isabel Pass. It is named after a miner’s wife who was strong and independent and established a homestead in this vast wilderness. I cannot imagine the hardships she faced, trying to establish a home with absolutely no amenities – and weather that is sometimes overwhelmingly cold. There is also a glacier up in the center of the photograph.

There is a thing I recently learned called “Boondocking.” That is camping with no hook-ups. For those of us with tow-behind trailers or big RVs, it’s something you need to know in order to plan ahead. We can carry enough water and fuel to be fine boondocking, but it sure is nice if we don’t have to, as your gas mileage is much better when you travel empty! Isabel Pass is a boondocking location. But look at that vista!!! You can camp right next to the glacier. And there are streams all over the place. Camping near a glacier is its own adventure as the climate is particular to the glacier location. It can easily be 20-30 degrees, even more, colder near a glacier. Even in the summertime. This photo was taken a week ago. And it was drizzling and pretty chilly, but the beauty was incredible.

Isabel Pass Bald Eagle

As I turned back towards the truck, this guy was sitting on the treetop across the road from us, just watching. My girlfriend has a mini-heeler and so we kept an eye on him. Eagles aren’t above sweeping down and grabbing dogs! But to have a wild eagle so close just gave me such peace and a thrill as well. He’s not in a cage or a zoo – he’s freely flying around in the wilds of Alaska. We were blessed to see moose, as well, roaming freely and munching their way across the forests. Like I said, I cannot see why you get wilderness overload! I have eagles flying around my house and have a mamma moose and her twin calves in my yard. But I never tire of this. Never.

Tres Amigas

Most gals travel to the local mall. Not us. LOL. We drove roughly 350 miles to retrieve 100 bales of hay. And back again. In one day. The conversation was stellar. The friendships more cemented. And the journey was unforgettable. We kept laughing that we were like the cast of Gilligan’s Island – a 3 hour tour that ended up being more than 22 hours. LOL. So much for a quick trip! Why? Roads, weather, dinner at a brewery, friends, Alaska! LOL.

Delta Junction Hay Farm

Our destination was reached. The farmer loaded the hay for us and we tied it down and set off. Long story short, we made some stops along the way. We altered our return route to avoid road closures, only to discover roads were out there, too. Denali was pouring rain. The road home was fraught with 1 lost bale of hay and extreme tiredness. We stopped and napped for an hour from 2am to 3am. We finally got into my friends’ place about 6am. Exhausted. It took this grandma two days of fuzzy brain to recover. I no longer do all-nighters! LOL! I literally have an alarm on my phone to remind me to take my diabetes meds and to drink my “Golden Milk.” The alarm is set for 8:30pm. So hilarious – we were just finishing dinner in Delta at 8:30pm! It messed my system up big time. I didn’t get my meds or Golden Milk. Blood sugar was all over the map. Whew. I am back to normal, but it was a project! LOL.

Even with all of that chaos and rain and crazy company, I’d seriously consider doing it again. For my friend, yes, but selfishly, for myself. I just can’t seem to soak up enough of God’s bounty and beauty in this place called home. Alaska. I am beyond blessed.

Isabel Pass

“And it’s into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.”

John Muir

“…and it was very good.”

Our summer.

This past weekend, well, the past 4 days, we ventured into God’s country. It was actually so beautiful and overwhelmingly so, at one point I literally wept! I think we take for granted this amazing place we all call home. The earth was created by God for His children to enjoy. All the plants and all the creatures are here for us. Well, I do question some of the bugs and reptiles, but overall, it’s an amazing place.

Kachemak Bay, Alaska

We headed down to the Homer Spit south of us for 4 days with our son and his family. I hesitate to say this, but it was one of the singular, most enjoyable 4-day weekends of memory. It was truly a wonderful time. So much love and laughter, grandkids, dogs, and nature. It was so fun. As we headed down there, it started to pour. The rain was insane. And then we’d hit patches of glorious sunshine. The drive is a little over 5 hours in total. And we were towing our trailer, with our dogs. What could go wrong?

On our back window…

We reached camp, and we got settled in and set up, all in the pouring rain. We ate dinner – pizza – in our kids’ camper and then we scurried off to bed, dodging raindrops. The dogs were afraid of the wind and pouring rain. There were so many strange sounds, but for me, it was like white noise and I crashed. Except when the two large poodles decided they were afraid enough they wanted to sleep between us. Sigh. After a rough night of barely any covering, we woke about 6am to people walking by gabbing their heads off, laughter included, and waking our dogs, who barked. And then wanted outside. I rolled over to discover the mattress was soaking wet under my husband’s pillow – the window leaked all night! So that’s what that dripping noise was?!?!? Ha-Ha-Ha. Window was calked later that day.

We greeted our day with glorious sunshine, our coffee maker on auto, and the dogs happily enjoying their breakfast after a romp on the beach. Our weekend “combat camping” was off to a good start. If you do not know what combat camping is, have you heard of “combat fishing”?? That is where fishermen line up in the pristine wilderness after the elusive salmon, making their way upstream. Fishing season in Alaska is no joke. Most of the campers parked alongside us were there for fishing. So for them, lining up their campers in row upon row, in black silt and rocks, was no big deal – they were there for the fish. I am a little more of the “let’s get back to nature” sort of camper. This was definitely not that. This was on a spit out into the bay – not a bush or tree in sight. Just black silt, and rocks, and driftwood. Did I mention rocks? I grew up in Southern California, which had miles upon miles of sandy beaches. Squishing your toes in the warm sand is a particular pleasure. That does not happen along the Spit in Homer. Flip-flops at a minimum! Hubby wore his water-proof boots all the time. The campground was at capacity…even tents dotted the rows of camping spots. Fish on!

Combat Fishing – Russian River, Alaska

The good thing was that most of the people camping were there to fish. So the Spit itself was relatively empty. We could walk our dogs and the grandkids could play in the water and hunt for those elusive shells. Beach combing has become an art form with my grandkids! LOL! They walk, head down, looking for shells, for literally miles. We hiked over 5 miles of shoreline in one day. This grandma was beat. I retreated to the camper, took some Tylenol, and had an afternoon snooze. Five miles on the beach in flip flops, at my age. LOL. Whatever was I thinking? Oh, I brought my hiking boots and poles, but somehow forgot I had them and left them propped up in our trailer’s shower. I plan so well…it’s remembering the plan that gets me.

The Homer Spit. We camped way out at the end. Surrounded by ocean.

The camping was all about the experience with our family. Being right on the ocean with the waves and the boats, even large ferries and tour boats, was amazing. The sounds of the gulls flying overhead. The sounds of the dogs running on the beach. Our grandkids laughing or yelling, “Grandpa, come here and see this!” These were the times we live for. We played cards with the kids and taught them the art of shuffling, gin rummy, and various forms of solitaire. No electronics in sight! We walked miles and miles of coastline, soaking it all in. And like I stated before, I think this was one of the best weekends we have ever had. We relaxed, we just experienced. No agenda. No timelines. We planned meals but also allowed ourselves to eat out and enjoy a meal on picnic benches overlooking the docks, with the sun rising and the day warming up. Experiencing some amazing biscuits and gravy, with outstanding lattes, that I did not have to make for myself – epic! The grandkids wondering why their pancakes tasted weird, so we all sampled them. Who would have thought to flavor flapjacks with orange?! LOL. Then we chose to head out to Anchor Point. Oh my. Just oh my.

Eagles on Anchor Point Beach, Alaska

I don’t want to ever take this place for granted. (Nor the photographer who took this – it was not me). I was literally a couple of feet away from wild bald eagles. I was in awe. At one point my son says, “Mom, are you crying? You are crying! What is going on?” My reply? “Son, I was raised in Southern California where everything is in a box or a cage. These are wild animals, an arm’s length away, in nature, doing natural things. Right in front of me. I am in awe and so very grateful I get to see this. God is amazing and I am humbled.” There were literally 4 bald eagles around us. They were sitting in the trees behind us and on the beach in front of us. Along with dozens of seagulls. They were all vying for the fishermen’s cast-offs. And seeing an eagle fly overhead, carrying a halibut carcass, was so incredible. The eagles defending their food from the gulls. And allowing photographers up close so they could capture these moments. It was a core-memory-making event for me. I will never forget the sound, the smell, the sight of all that nature. I am blessed.

And I think He was standing in Anchor Bay…

I wanted to save all these words in my head because it truly was a remarkable weekend. We got to see the Spit in the summer, during fishing season. What a difference from our first visit during a snow storm in the wintertime! There were so many people. But you know what? Everyone was there to enjoy Homer in the summertime – we were, too. So you have to deal with humanity. LOL. Our next camping trip with our children is already on the books…next stop? Valdez, Alaska.The home of a fishing fleet, waterfalls, glaciers, and hiking. I’ll let you know…

Valdez, Alaska

“…He will wipe away every tear…”

One day…

For those of us who live with some sort of chronic, or recurring pain, some days it is hard to smile. Especially when we try to push through without relying on medication. Stretches, or a warm and jetted tub, salves and massages, and essential oils are where many of us turn for relief. There are so many ways to deal with chronic and recurring pain. And laying the pain at the foot of the cross is a huge way to gain perspective on pain.

Not many people spend time contemplating the foot of the cross. I had a dream once, and a friend actually drew me a picture of what I had seen (which I found in a box and promised myself I will frame) as I gazed up at the feet of Christ, impaled on the Cross. In my dream, I heard swooshing and loud winds. There were large drops of rain falling and splashing all around me. I could only look up, and I could not move side-to-side, nor could I turn my head. I could only see the feet of Christ. And then I felt a warm dribbling liquid surrounding me, and I immediately felt comforted, loved, embraced, and free. I could look around me and realized I was a pebble; really just a small stone; and I was holding the Cross upright, along with a myriad of other small stones. We were a part of the dirt the Cross was embedded into. And the thought came to me: “Even the dirt surrounding the Cross was sanctified by His sacrifice.” The earth was renewed by the sacrificial Blood of Christ.

This dream has been with me since my children were small. And at the time, we only had two children. Not even teens, yet. And this dream is every bit as vivid today as it was more than 20 years ago when it happened to me. The feelings return and the sounds are especially poignant. I do believe Christ was speaking to me, helping me realize that I was part of His story. I may only be an insignificant pebble, but I am part of it. And each of us plays our part in the Story of Redemption.

Redemption through the Cross of Christ

Many years ago, I was introduced to the concept of “offer it up.” And it was applied to pretty much anything. My father-in-law used to tell his kids when they were slightly hurt, “Rub some dirt on it.” We, in turn, told our kids the same thing. Ha-Ha. And the idea of offering something up is to apply it to all we do. What are we offering it up to? The redemptive act of Christ on the Cross. There is no way I can ever repay Him for what He has done for me. But I can offer my toils and my pains to Him in a small way of reparation, and of joining to His suffering.

It is not something most protestants and other religious ideologies embrace. It is a Catholic thing; an eastern thing. We follow the steps of Christ every Lenten observance. We entwine our lives within the context of sacrifice and service. And we participate in the redemptive action of the Cross when we unite ourselves to Christ. Our actions towards our daily lives and the issues that cause our bumpy ride, as well as how we interact with others, can all be offered to Christ in reparation for His act for us. Fasting – from foods, from language, from TV, from things that do not bring us closer to Him are all acts having redemptive value. We join our meager sufferings to His. And it is a powerful process – each Lent and each Apostles’ Fast, we can join in the redemptive action of the Cross.

Chronic, aching, back…

I am so much like my paternal grandmother. And I strive to be like her in how I treat others and how I lovingly care for others. But physically, it’s more like I am her daughter. I have her hands and feet. I am a larger woman, which she struggled with her entire life, and which plagues me daily. I am even beginning to have her white hair – which I always loved and am rather pleased about. Grandma injured her back in a vehicle accident as a young woman and had back issues the rest of her life. A little more than a year ago, I lifted a 9-foot leather couch in order to vacuum under it, thinking I was 40 years old instead of 60+ years of age. I tore my right shoulder (which I had stem cell replacement for) and ruptured 5 discs in my spine, starting at C-3 and working its way down to my lumbar area. I have had injections in all the sites. The doctor told me I would get a year or more relief from the injections and we are coming up to 2 years. I think my relief is over. Or at the very least, severely waning.

I was doing so well I began water aerobics. Ouch. And then I rested and it was better. This past weekend I was climbing into my husband’s truck on the start of a camping journey and I wrenched my back. It’s been non-stop pain since. I spent most of the weekend propped under a tarp (it was raining) with pillows, a blanket, and Tylenol. Ugh.

And I am desperately working on my mindset. How I can align this constant nagging pain with the redemptive act of Christ. Every time He was whipped or beaten, that was because of my sins. Each cut or wound on His body, every bruise, every nail – all from my actions. How can I ameliorate His pain and use mine for something besides complaining?

There is a wonderful prayer I recite when I need solace:

Anima Christi Prayer

I learned a slightly different wording, but this is the prayer. My favorite part is, “Within thy wounds hide me. Never let me be separated from thee. From the wicked enemy defend me, and at the hour of death call me, that I might come to thee and with thy saints I might praise thee for ever and ever. Amen”. Okay. So that is most of the prayer. Ha-Ha. But I always imagined myself hiding within His wounds, peeking out from where the soldier stabbed Him in the side, all safe and warm. Nothing morbid or gross or bloody and fleshy. Just safely hidden in the side of Christ, protected from the wickedness and snares of the devil. (A sentence from another prayer I love). And when I imagine myself safe within Him, the pain eases somehow. I feel warm, and protected, and loved. And when you have all those things, back aches are not as onerous and life-impacting. I can accomplish all the duties of my station in life, aching as I go, but smiling from within the Wounds of Christ. Does that sound weird? Yeah, it does a little bit. But being a visual person who conjures scenes using words, it works for me. And as I sit here, the pain is less, just talking about it. Yes, my knees are propped up on my recliner and I am sitting in a position to ease the cramping pain, but my heart is at rest as well.

My peace I give to you…

“The sky is falling…the sky is falling…”

Chicken Little

Well, I agree, to a point. It all depends on what is above you when you look up. Perhaps you are in an area where things are falling out of the sky, so to speak. I feel like it most days. I cringe when I think of the money flying out of our account for various things. It’s mind-blowing. Our senators meeting overnight to enact/approve Red Flag Laws for weapons. The insanity of that is bad guys don’t jump through government hoops to get licensed firearms. They get them off the streets. Illegally. Us regular people go through rigorous background checks already. And it’s not the combat vets you need to worry about – it’s these young men hopped up on psychotropic meds who are marginalized and seeing a shrink, who are mostly responsible for these shootings. So many rabbit holes about that entire subject! And the news media pumping out more fear mongering for everyone to chew on. It’s become comical when you watch those montages of programmed news spew the exact same words on stations across the country. Verbatim. It’s an eye-opener…

Verbatim News

I’ve become increasingly tense about everything. Will we have this life, this country, in the next 20 years? Where will the USA be? What will the USA become? Do we have the luxury of the next 20 years, or is it much shorter? 5-10 years? That long? Around and around I go. At night, it is the worst. Going to bed stresses me out because I KNOW I will toss and turn and take forever to get to sleep. I have tried it all – meditating, praying, no Kindle or TV an hour before bed (right?!?), taking melatonin. I’ve tried Benadryl and Tylenol. I now drink Golden Milk every night and it does seem to help. (I know it is helping my blood sugar, for sure). And I feel like this big thing is pressing down on me, and worrying me, all day long, intensifying at night. The dark makes everything worse. Up here, darkness takes so long to happen and it doesn’t stay long.

Today’s Light Hours

I try to just let it all go by the wayside. I focus on getting my sheets clean that my lovely puppy peed on this weekend while we camped. I try to come up with nice meal plans for my husband. I focus on my grandson’s baseball tournament coming up, or my middle son’s recent job interview and our youngest son getting enough work hours. There are things up close and personal I can focus my time on. I can let the rest of the country sort of fade from constant thought. I can opt to trust in God’s plan for everything and all of us and trust in my faith to carry me through. I can’t worry about the details. I can’t worry that the sky might be falling on my country, and that this world could be on the cusp of massive change. I can listen for my washer to ping to let me know the bedding is completed; figure out why the dogs are barking; try to keep the house below 80 inside without A/C (Alaskan homes don’t have air conditioning). On and on I could go. But why do I continually come back to the falling skies???

Anxiety – give it to God

Over and over, I have to remind myself I do not walk alone. God and His promises walk beside me. My husband walks next to me and I know beyond any doubt, he was God’s plan for my life. I absolutely love the life we have together and each moment of these empty nest days warms my heart. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. And I am blessed with amazing children, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren, and some amazing friends. I know I am blessed. My heart soars when I think of everyone in my life, and when I look outside and see the land where I live. Totally blessed. The big “but” is next…lol. But I worry. Daily. Obsessively I think. And I am desperately trying to rein it in – again.

Do Not Fear

Once again I choose to cast my worries onto God. He spent 3 agonizing hours suffering on the cross for me – for my sins – for my doubts – for my worries. He paid the price – for me. I can do nothing to repay Him except to believe in Him and to love Him above all else. God makes no demands on us. He requires nothing from us. Just full acceptance. And in this age and in this chaos, the peace He offers is undeniable.

My peace I leave with you..

The sky may fall. Our culture may collapse. The world as we know may cease to be structured as we know it. We may loose our land, our homes, our families. We may lose our own lives. But we will never lose God, because He loved us first.

Believe