Most of the time, I come across as a happy-go-lucky woman who is happy with her life. And for the majority of the time, I am exactly what I seem. There are times, however, when things get to me and I walk around in a daze. I feel like the things in my head are going to make me insane. I feel my confidence and happiness “slip sliding away,” as the song lyrics go.
Whoa God knows, God makes his plan;
the information is unavailable to the mortal man.
We’re working our jobs, collecting our pay,
Believe we’re gliding down the highway, when we’re slip sliding away.
Slip sliding away;
You know the nearer your destination, the more you’re slip sliding away.Simon and GARFUNKEL
And every so often, I think of this song as it applies to my life. It’s similar to the adage that when you strive to be closer to God, that’s when the devil slips closer, in order to steal your soul from God. I had a priest once admonish me to never pray for patience, because “that’s when all hell breaks loose.” Things will go chaotic all around you, so you can learn to be patient. Patience is not a gift; it is a learned response to your surroundings. And God loves us to learn things for ourselves.
I have been having this latent response to Covid, which simulates some of the symptoms of panic attacks – the trembling and some sort of “electric” sensation on my skin, along with an accelerated heart rate. But it is nothing compared to a full-on panic attack. I woke at 5:30am the other morning, sure that I was dying or the world was ending. Something catastrophic was coming my way. And unlike the leftovers from Covid, it did not end when I got up. I left hubby snoring, but the dogs and I went to the living room. I tried praying. Then I remembered my deep breathing exercises I was taught in the hospital. That seemed to help. But quite honestly, it took the constant repetition of the Jesus Prayer to get me calmed down, and about an hour of it, too, combined with breathing in and out as I prayed. Being steadfast and consistent in prayer was a blessing for me that morning!
I was recently able to share this prayer with a friend. In the eastern churches, we do not commonly pray the Rosary, nor do we use the rosary prayer beads. Instead, we have prayer ropes. They are known as “chotki” in the Greek. There are many types of them. But as you touch each knot, you pray the Jesus Prayer. Hundreds of them a day. The Roman Catholic Saint, Jose Maria Escriva, who founded Opus Dei (the Work of God) said that all tasks, all work, all day can be a prayer to God and can assist you towards sanctification. If you dedicate your works during the day to God, they become holy. And you mindfully ask God to consider the works of your hands as a holy work for Him. You elevate the simplest tasks to holy ones, by dedicating them to God. In the same way, the Jesus Prayer helps us dedicate our life, our works, our thoughts, our moments, to God.
As I was panicking, I imagined myself grabbing those knots on my prayer rope (mine was in our bedroom with my snoring husband). I wear the smaller wrist style above. The larger one is usually worn by clergy, as it has 150 knots. But I know lay people who also wear them. The villain in the Iron Man movie, played by Mickey Rourke, wore the 150-knot prayer rope wrapped around his wrist. I spotted it the last time we watched the movie, and smiled. He may have been a villain, but the man prayed! LOL!
One of the many images floating around my head at 5:30am was this one. The Flat Earth as depicted in Genesis 2 in the Bible. I have many friends who are now espousing this theory, versus our learned globe and universe and solar system, etc. My dad immigrated to the USA to work on the space program. And I’ve written about this in previous posts. But now more information is coming out and I am trying to remain open to what I do not know. To what is possible, even probable. And to allow myself to explore what I have been taught my entire life, in light of different information. I majored in Forensic Anthropology and Physiology, with a minor in Biblical Archeology. I want a refund. I am learning so much and my brain is totally like the emoji…
This is just one topic waking me up. There are so many red pills and rabbit holes to explore. And so many things that do not add up with what I was taught. The “Great Awakening” is what is happening to so many of us. Our former reality is slip sliding away. Truly.
Another one of the images in my head is this map. If you take the measurements of each country and each continent, and you map them out, there is a big difference between what we are used to seeing and reality. “Ego-centric,” “Christo-centric,” “Ethno-centric” are all terms that are used when we look at modern maps. Europeans drew them. Africa was much smaller than the USA, for example. Or Greenland! It’s barely visible! Look at the above map and then go look at a modern one. It boggles the mind. On and on this whirlwind of discovery goes. More and more truths are being revealed. And more will come out.
The economy is tanking, and it’s on purpose. The world’s food supply is being sabotaged, also on purpose. The elites are panicking and trying to hold on to their mythical power over us common folk. There are some on the world stage who say “enough is enough” and want to save our cultures and our mores before they disappear into the transgendered, inherently evil, multi-verse known to some as the “NWO,” or “New World Order.” Many of our presidents have spoken in public about helping to “usher in the New World Order.” President Bush Sr. was one of them. Clinton. Bush Jr. Obama. Biden (Well, he doesn’t truly say a whole lot – he is just not capable). Needless to say, things are heating up and us little peons, the debt slaves, are getting the brunt of the moves in this chess game. And quite honestly, it keeps me awake. I worry. Incessantly. And it brings on these panic attacks.
But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Will you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you now live? But for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.Joshua 24:15
I cannot help but think God is in all things…even the way our history has been distorted. The way He has allowed us to be manipulated. Because if it is all served on a platter, we will not appreciate, nor value, what He gives us. Can you imagine walking streets of gold, being happy all the time, praising God like breathing in and out? Heaven! But, as I stated above, God loves us to learn for ourselves. And I am learning so much – exploding brains and panic attacks! Would I prefer the easier route? You betcha! But there is a great saying, and I believe it is important to keep at the forefront of all of this chaos and noise:
And today, as I started to panic, I straightened the house, I folded laundry, I started dinner, and I prayed – over and over again, “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” With the way the world is careening out of our norm, I do think prayer is paramount. That and a well-stocked pantry. Because things are going to get much worse, before they can get better. The evil has been running rampant all over this world for generations – it’s going to take real effort to defeat it. I may not be on the “frontlines,” but I can do what I can to share information, and the best thing I can do is arm myself and pray.