“Serving up memories since….”

We are chipping away at “settling in” to the new house. Yesterday, my daughter-in-law put up a vinyl sign I bought on Amazon for my kitchen. She bought me one for my laundry room, too.

I have not really embraced the idea of these vinyls up until now. They seem more like stickers to me. LOL. But I really like how they turned out. The laundry room one makes me giggle every time I see it. And it is sort of me, making my mark on our new home. “Settling in” is a process. It’s not an event, so for me, there is no deadline associated with it. But I am getting antsy about our garage, because it is a morass of boxes…stacks of them. And there are items I am keeping but don’t need to see all the time. We have shelves and shelves in the garage. So we can take things out of boxes and put them on the shelves, where we can use them. I am leaning so towards getting rid of more stuff! LOL! I have heard the adage, “If it is in a box or cupboard and you have not used it in 6 months, get rid of it.” And I like that. The exception up here are seasonal things like snow boots and snow shovels, versus camp chairs and bar-b-que items. They change out by season and sometimes winter is 6+ months and more. Unfortunately, summer never is. LOL.

I’m not sure what happened to summer. Things are already closing up. I spoke with our favorite nursery people yesterday and they were selling everything at 50% off, giving us instructions on how to plant what we chose, and how to winterize it once it was planted. Winterize. I am not ready for that, yet. My mom is due up here the last week of August and I am fearful it will already be cold.

I had a long talk with my dad yesterday (he’s on the left, pictured above with my brother about 3 years ago) and he is 90 years old. He also has Alzheimer’s, and Parkinson’s with dementia, as well as issues with severe trigeminal nerve pain. He is on tons of medications; last count it was 14 medications daily. And it is all hard for him. He has not been a medication person for most of his life, and prides himself on his intellectual prowess. He knows he is losing it. He is aware he is not as nimble as he was. He gets the Parkinson’s thing. But he hates that his driver’s license was taken away, and he thinks, somehow, they own a new car he was not told about. And he is generally, well, pissed off. He is not taking this aging thing gracefully, at all. He does not want to “winterize.” I told him he was 90 and it was okay to relax a little. His response was, “You may as well bury me now, then.” LOL. Growing up his daughter has been interesting, to say the least. Definitely never smooth sailing. And how do you prepare for a winter in your life like that? My brother and I were joking that we are sort of screwed. Our mom has Alzheimer’s, too. So my brother said, “When we start acting all weird with dementia, we can just blow it off and say, ‘Nah, it’s normal in our family.'”  Sadly enough, and funnily enough, it is true. And he and I also have cancer in our family. So how do you prepare for your own winter? What boxes do you need to go through? What can you do without, because you don’t really use it?

Dealing with stuff is not fun. There is “stuff” everywhere in life. Right now, I am dealing with a garage full of stuff that we somehow needed and had to box up and move with us. And after living in our new home for a month, I know there are things I normally use that I cannot find, especially in the kitchen. Household tools I am used to relying on to get the job done. Stupid things like spatulas I like or a particular bowl I prefer to use. Alzheimer’s and dementia are like that. You go to reach for the familiar and it is not there. Instead, there is a blank space; a hole. And it throws you off. A lot. Some people react in anger. Some get quiet and just repeat sentences over and over, trying to reconcile that empty space. And even others refuse to admit there is anything wrong with them, and that it is the problem with everyone around them. Denial. I have been in denial for a month that I need to get into all those boxes out there…that bowl or spatula are somewhere! And how do I make my mark on this house, this life, before there are too many missing pieces and I can no longer function? If you think I haven’t thought of that, you don’t know me well, I guess. I am always thinking of the “what ifs” in life, in addition to all the “what happens when…”

Am I scared? Sort of. But I seriously don’t have the luxury of time to sit and reflect on it too much, other than the occasional blog post or conversation. I am preparing to have my mom move in with me, because she is experiencing too many holes and she can no longer be alone. Caregivers apparently wear out and need help at some point, too. Right now, it is full speed ahead. We are diving into the boxes today. We are trying to get this organization all done so we can rest easier, and welcome my mom to her forever home. Because neither of us plans on ever moving again. Ever. Scared? I don’t have time to worry about it. Too many details to attend to. My dad told me he worries for me, that I will be overwhelmed with caring for my mom, and that he prays for me. I like that. At least he is cognizant enough to say it and to spend the mental effort sharing that with me. Mom is just resigned to living with her daughter. LOL. Me? I am organizing now, so I can enjoy my time with her later.

I am also looking forward to the future. I am flying to spend time with my son and his family. I have a grand daughter I need to meet and cuddle with. I have friends to catch up with. And I have my mom to pack up and fly back with. My sister and brother-in-law are coming with us, so I have some tourist-hosting to look forward to. There are so many positives. God is good. I am blessed. I have a new hair-do I am still fiddling with, and today I will find that stupid spatula and I will conquer the chaos in the garage. The rest will follow in kind. Feeling optimistic and full of love and hope in tomorrow. Winterize? I’ll work on it.

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“Was that today????”

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Have you ever faced a task that you truly do not want to face? Ugh. My “office” is a disaster. There is barely floor space. I have no idea what happened to me. I am usually organized. Things have fallen by the wayside and I cannot get myself going these days. I have started back on D3, because I know with no sunshine, that is part of it. And we went off our Whole30 regime of clean eating, and I am finding sugar is my enemy. It affects so much of who I am and how I feel. And it is not good.

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I am so blessed to have discovered Whole30 and the amazing group of people online who work tirelessly answering zillions of questions. I once asked my son, “You have google on your phone. Why don’t you look it up for yourself?” He responded, “Because you’re here and you will know this.” Well, so many of us are LAZY. We ask others when we can obtain the information ourselves, with a push of some buttons. “Is this compliant?” is constantly asked, with a photo of a bottle of something or other they are holding up. I mean, come on! In the time it took you to take a photo and show us all how diligent you are about trying to do Whole30, you could have googled it yourself. Who checks Facebook at the grocery store? Not me. I don’t want to use the data! LOL! I print things out; I read the book; I read labels. We can do this ourselves, without constantly checking social media sources. I feel bad for those admins on Whole30 and my other weakness, the Instant Pot. Oh man oh man. I love that appliance!

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It has made my life so much simpler and meals are done so fast! I’m a little obsessed, but that’s another post! Back to hating to do things…my office. Ugh.  I went out and got myself a planner for this year and spent the morning inputting all the birthdays and anniversaries for our family and close friends. I input important dates, like when school samples are due and my youngest son’s graduation date from high school. It seems so weird that I will soon have no one of school age in my home. So weird. All of these “rites of passage” that happen to us each year. This past November, our newest grand daughter was born and it was fun to add her birthdate to this year’s calendar. There are losses, but there are so many blessings along the way.

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I’m not sure why my office looks like it does, or why I have allowed it to become this sort of haven for lost paperwork and stacks of books. It’s like a cave. And heavens to Betsy, if someone moves something or knocks a stack over, I am in deep trouble. My daughter-in-law purged their house and I acquired a new short bookcase and a rolling cart full of colored drawers where I can organize files. I just have to do it. The mattress we had for guests this summer is still folded in the corner, with the clean sheets and blankets on it. But our 15-year-old dog sort of claimed it as a bed during the day because our floor heater is right next to it, and the blankets make it cozy. It is a whopping 9-degrees outside today with freezing fog, so I don’t begrudge him his warm spot.

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The planner in the second photo above is the one I chose. I am not an artsy person, so simple works for me. Stickers and such were bought, too, but I keep planning simple. I like lines to write on and I will add decor and photos as I can. I used to keep a scrap book sort of book calendar when my kids were small. I prefer something that highlights my week, but keeps me on track. So my data is entered and I have had some meaningful conversations, my laundry is waiting to be moved to the dryer so I can wear a clean swimsuit to water aerobics tonight, and…my office still looks like a cave. Tomorrow….at least I sort of started today. Sort of.

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“Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished. It is the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, or carrying out less urgent tasks instead of more urgent ones, thus putting off impending tasks to a later time.”  That is pretty much me right now….lol!