“…and rest in your holiness…”

Even in the midst of this “pandemic,” there can be spots of joy. I am doing a 6-week program online and in this first week, I was asked to focus on liberating truths, and to understand my “why” in pursuing the goals of the program. Well, I thought about my why. Why do I want to do this? It’s because I want more years with my husband, and I want to be there for my sons as they progress in their lives. I want to share their achievements, their joys, and their sorrows. I want to be the grandma my grandchildren love visiting and hanging out with. One who enjoys life with them. And I want to share their landmarks in life – as my eldest grandchild is only 7 years old, I really want to be around for a lot longer. Am I sick? No. I am actually very healthy. But I am overweight and out of shape. Part of this program is to leave “white space” in your life. Enough space for movement and for relaxation. And these white spaces are in the areas of your health, in your faith, and in your homes. Today, the reality of keeping white space in my head has made me want to share this with you. My brain feels like it is exploding! I am looking forward to all of it – tackling all these areas of my life. One of the things we were asked to do, is when we visualize our why, to get something that represents this why and put it where you can see it. So I printed this out and it is on my refrigerator:

These are most of my reasons for my “why.” My husband and grandchildren. My family. I think we all know that as life progresses, we start to hone in our focus to smaller and smaller groups. Our friendships shrink to just a handful. The older we get, the closer to home we seem to stay. We were never overt partiers. Even when we could stay awake past 9:00 o’clock – hahaha.

This pandemic brought our family closer in lots of ways. We are the crowd we don’t mind hanging out with. Our kids from the lower 48 came for a week and we just saw one another. No sightseeing. No going to places with other people. It was glorious. We walked, we played in the house, we had the kids use chalk on the driveway and paint rocks for our garden. We had special cereal and dishes for the kids and they loved it. We bar-b-qued and we baked. We had lots of art projects for them; things to keep 4 little girls occupied! Let me share that having your granddaughter want to sleep with you is just priceless. Having 2 of them in your room each night is beyond grandparent heaven!

Watching cousins interact was so precious. I loved the relationships that were strengthened with this time together. When it comes down to it, our time here is limited. Someday, my husband and I will be gone and we will not be the glue holding our family together. They will need to hold onto one another. And it is a beautiful thing to see it developing.

They were looking at our fairy garden from last year, playing with all the little features we crammed into those pots. And even though we are barely past the thaw this year, it was great to see them in the sunshine, playing together. My heart was so full. And I am counting blessing upon blessing to have this family. I know God gives us trials to strengthen our faith, but He also abundantly blesses us.

And today I am a little reflective. I have been doing so much research and diving down some radical rabbit holes online about so many subjects. And I re-read Revelations in its entirety today. I have been praying with prayers upon prayers; supplications for myself and my family and friends. And as I contemplate all this new reality, I recall the sound of little feet in the house and my heart swells with love and gratitude to God, for this gift of family. When you start spreading your intellect out into this viral world, it can often sweep you away. And then you just sit there, in stunned silence. And looking at these faces grounds me, it gives me impetus to be the best me I can be – for all of them.

My kids give me the grace to pursue the best me, so I can be there for them. God knows my struggles. He does. He provides me with a foundation. In all things, #godwins. He knows where I am and he knows my heart. He guides me where I need to go. He also holds my hand. “Word of God, Speak” is a great song by Mercy Me. And as I listen to the comforting words, I know all I need is to be with God:

“Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak”

I may seem maudlin but I am quietly at peace. I wrote prayers to God, seeking His mercy for my family and for my soul. Because the world is insane. And so much is about to change. So much upheaval and our “new normal” will be something none of us ever envisioned. But, God has got this. All of it. He holds our world in His hands and with that, He holds our souls.

“And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.” Revelation 20:12

And so I pray, seeking forgiveness for the deeds I would rather not come to light, and for a hedge of protection for the souls of my family and friends, country and world. I ask for mercy, for grace, for tomorrow.

John 5:28-29 “Do not be amazed at this, because a time is coming when all who are in the tombs will hear his voice and will come out – the ones who have done what is good to the resurrection resulting in life, and the ones who have done what is evil to the resurrection resulting in condemnation.”

I guess you could say I am contemplative today. And I am listening to a mash-up of music while I type. Mercy Me is one of my favorite groups. I have all their music on my computer. And I am so thankful for their lyrics; so many times they have brought me to tears and I have to pull to the side of the road and just let it out. (Most of the time while I drive alone, they are playing on my stereo). “I can only imagine” is one of my all-time favorites. It can still bring me to tears in the right moment. And because I have so much of their music on my computer, songs keep coming up. I think this one is helping me so much right now, that I will leave you with the lyrics. Blessings. Always.

 

“Flawless”

There’s got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that’s who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there’s worth in what you do Then Like a hero who takes the stage when
We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless Could it possibly be
That we simply can’t believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that’s exactly what He did No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I’m ok
Because the cross was enough Then Like a hero who takes the stage when
We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God’s grace No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless
He made you flawlessNo matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

7 thoughts on ““…and rest in your holiness…”

  1. Christ is risen! I have gotten out of the habit of reading blogs for quite some time and today I sat down to catch up. I am so grateful I chose yours first.
    I am grateful to have found your blog during #bloginstead.
    So much of what you say is a reflection of my own heart!
    I pray you have a blessed, joy-filled week!

  2. Catching up on many months of reading, finally. Thank you, my friend, for all your writings. Each and every one of them so far has had at least something that hits home, and I smile and thank God you are in my life, if even from this great distance. FLAWLESS, one of my all time favorite songs! Hugs to you, Jan.

    • We made it to Missouri, it was just a very long road trip. We’ve been blessed with a perfect home, buying on an owner contract, Elijah is now married and may return to Alaska, and the newest grandbaby turns one next month. Much has happened since leaving Alaska! Life continues to be an amazing adventure, and we are reminded daily that God is good all the time. Are you crocheting yet? 😊

      • My goal this year is to conquer crochet! Lol! Gail & Steve are in ID now. Martina is determined to help me conquer crochet – a team effort! Lol! I’m also decluttering big time and trying to conquer some Julia Child recipes! God is good, my friend! So glad you made it to your best place!!!

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