“…take it from my hands…”

So today I am in a thoughtful mood. There are some days where you have so much activity coming up, that you sort of just stand there. You cannot move. For me, November is going to be busy. And filled with decision-making. And I tend to hold all that foreboding in my stomach. Ha-Ha-Ha. Which is why I get to have a very thorough, head-to-toe procedure this month. Joy.

We have chosen to place mom in a memory home. I cannot even describe the stomach upset this causes me. I feel like I am playing God with her life. I know I am not, but it feels like it. Mom and I had a very serious discussion when she first came to live with me. She had far more lucid hours in her day, back then. We were able to talk about Alzheimer’s and what it does to someone. How she wanted to be treated. What she did and did not want at the end of her life. After that discussion, we made decisions regarding end-of-life, DNRs, POA, and Guardianship. We were able to set things up the way she would want, and everything was signed and notarized, and in place. And now we are deeper and deeper down that rabbit hole, it is making sharing her desires much easier. I was able to scan and send her emergency requests to all the agencies in our area, so no matter who receives the 9-1-1 call, they will have everything about her at their fingertips. It gives us great peace of mind.

We met the owner and provider of the Memory Care Home yesterday. We had a lovely visit. My husband, bless him, went with me. We did not bring mom. The view is incredible, in that you can see all the way to the water, and the lights at night are glorious. It was quiet, clean, and seemed like a lovely place. I stood in the driveway, talking to my husband, and something just clunked into place. I realized that ball of stress in my tummy relaxed. Ha-Ha-Ha.

The sunshine and the snow were glorious. We had a significant amount of snow fall in just 24 hours – over 15″ in some spots. At my house, we got about 11″ in a night. And since that storm, we have had nothing but blue skies and glorious sunshine. It is very cold – it was a serious -5 on my deck yesterday morning. And as I was driving home from the Memory Home, it was a roaring 19 degrees! But my sunglasses were firmly in place and I just counted myself as blessed, while I drove the white valley. So so pretty.

And the scenery continues to blow me away, even after living here awhile. I am constantly saying to myself, “Wow. I get to live here. I am so blessed.” And I have searched for my comfort zone my entire life. And when I moved here, I just sighed. I knew I was home. The vastness and the abundant wildlife just feed my spirit. I was born in Southern California. I grew up being able to go to the end of the block and walk on the beach. Our home was little, but we were close to the beach! LOL! And I continued growing up in SoCal, but I hated the heat, the smog, the crowds. Always a long line for everything. But here, in the last frontier, you can breathe freely. And I discovered I absolutely adore winter. Do I like being cold? Not particularly. But I dress for the cold and can deal with it. I discovered scarfs…total scarf convert here! I wear them almost daily! Love love love! My favorite infinity scarf was made by my Daughter-in-law, and it is scrumptiously colored like the Aurora Borealis. I wear it as often as I can! The colors are stunning. And it is soft and cuddly.

Later this month, I will be moving my mom. And it will break my heart, but I know in my brain, it is the right thing to do. And shortly thereafter, we are off to meet our newest granddaughter. We are both so excited. We cannot wait to play with her and her sisters, and sit and visit with our son and daughter-in-law. What I am dreading is the weather. I am praying for cold and wind and rain. But I am expecting heat. And preparing for heat. I will have to readjust from snow and cold and Thanksgiving in snow to winds and desert and Thanksgiving in flip-flops and capris. Ha-Ha-Ha!

And mom will be adjusting to life in a Memory Home. November is a month of a lot of activity and decisions to be made. Depending upon my test results, even more decisions. And I am nervous and excited at the same time. The Lord definitely is in charge, because I am letting go and asking Him to take November and lead us in the way in which He wants us to go.

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