“…God always helps.”

St Theophane the Recluse

Do you ever get so tired, that nothing can seem to keep you awake?  And when you finally do get to bed, it’s what my family calls, “sleeping like the dead?”  Wow…for me, that was yesterday.  My youngest son belongs to CAP, Civil Air Patrol, and they have weekly meetings.  It is a hectic journey for us to get there on time; we eat in the car and race across town in what is called “Microsoft” traffic!  The drive takes us 35 minutes on the way home, but can take up to an hour and a half on the way there.  So we try to leave our house about 2 hours before the meeting, drive through some place (usually McDonald’s) and eat in the car.  Thank goodness we can use the carpool lane, or it would take even longer!  (And I thought we moved up here because there were fewer people and less traffic! Ha-Ha!).

My husband has changed his hours, so he was able to go with us last night.  It is nice in that we have some time to chat and be a family, even if it is grabbed in traffic with a Chicken Wrap in hand!!  Last night was no exception…through McDonald’s we went and onto the highways.  The traffic was moderate and we arrived in time for our son to grab his PT gear and rush off to hang out with his friends, before their PT started.  (Twice a month, it’s Physical Training [PT] at CAP).  My husband and I looked at each other and sighed.  After the headlong rush through the traffic and eating on the run, neither of us felt like moving. It was a scant 33-degrees outside, so we weren’t taking a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood.  We pondered this wonderful English Pub not too far away, or a local coffee house, but chose instead to hunker down in the car.  The CAP personnel welcome parent participation, so we could have gone into the barracks area and sat comfortably inside, but we were so tired and rather comfy, so we opted to stay put.  We brought things to read – he brought his NOOK and I had a novel.  (I refuse to cave into electronic books – so far anyway).  So we sat with the engine running (to keep warm and have interior lights) and we read our books.  Except that I feel asleep!!  He chuckled at my sleeping, he later told me, and I just crashed. I mean, I was out!!  Now, for some background! We are long-distance drivers.  My husband is from Colorado and for all the years we lived in SoCal, we made frequent trips with our kids to CO…it’s about 18 – 20 hours. Our middle son went to college in Montana, so I got used to that trip, too (it’s about the same distance as Denver from SoCal).  So getting comfy in a car is nothing new to either of us.  For whatever reason, last night was the end of energy!  I slept about 20 minutes and I did not budge, until my middle son sent me a move on Ruzzles, a word game we play on our phones.  It buzzed and woke me up.  I was startled to know I had fallen asleep reading my novel! And it’s a “page-turner,” too!! I was completely spent.

The meeting got over and before we knew it, we were home. It was a little after 10pm.  I did my due diligence with the dogs and then went to bed.  I barely remember my husband kissing me goodbye around 4:30am…I think I said something like, “I am sorry you can’t sleep any longer” or something to that effect.  And then I awoke at 8:30am…..I cannot believe I slept that long. Increasingly, I am one of those who stays up late and is still awake by 6:30 or 7:00am.  Not last night and not this morning!

I think that at times, we need to rest.  We need to take some time to regenerate our batteries and just take it easy.  I journeyed to Alaska for a week last week and came home to a schedule already in progress.  I jumped right back into life, without a rest in-between.  I prayed a lot yesterday and last night, trying to keep “The Silence” for most of my day.  In fact, while my husband and I sat in the car, we read (or napped!) and didn’t talk much at all…we’ve been together 30 years now and are comfortable in silence with one another. It is so nice!!

I realized something this morning…I am set; my heart is quiet, my mind is still. The choices that were laid before me have been narrowed down to the correct one; the decisions I needed to make, have all been made. I am dedicated to the path we have chosen, and I am easy with it. No consternation; no fear – I am at peace and I am ready to do this…to take on the life we have chosen for ourselves.  And because all the pieces are falling into place, I feel this peace, which I know is from God, means that we are choosing the path He has laid out for us.  Discerning which way to go can be exhausting work.  You have to mentally go through lists and make little decisions and choices between one road or another, that all lead to that final decision.  An in between thinking about it, you are talking it over and looking at data and discussing these choices. It is tiring! And I think God let me be completely tired so that I could rest in His peace, and know that our decision is the right one.  Because you don’t sleep well when you are mulling over all the different ways things can go; you dream outcomes and play out choices in your mind, causing you to really not rest while sleeping.  But last night, it was a quiet night, all night.  And I awoke in a rather startled way, realizing it was late in the day for me.  But then, I sat there and just smiled.  I smiled because I felt peace.  What an awesome start to our future! Yes, there are details that remain, but the journey has begun and I am excited and confident.  What a gift Silence can be….prayers are always answered.  Ahhh….peace.

Elder Joseph the Hesychast

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