I had such high hopes for my day yesterday. I got some things accomplished that I wanted to, although there is a load of laundry in the dryer I need to re-dry and fold! I made 6 batches of cookies and baked two loaves of bread. My middle son was more interested in playing with his neighbor buddies (now on Christmas break and available) than in cooking and baking – he is 14, so I guess it should be expected. It is not as fun with just him and me as it was when his brothers were around. We decided to wait until his “fun” uncle arrives to decorate the cookies. We also have two gingerbread houses that he and his dad want to make with his uncle and grandma. So all is not lost; but I am feeling let down and empty.
The feeling is also due in part to the profound disappointment I am feeling towards someone I thought was a friend; a mentor; a guide into my Byzantine spirituality. I feel abandoned and it really, really hurts. And I am close to tears about it. And then I remembered this quote above. Cookie decorating and friends being faithful is not what I am about. I am about a walk in faith with my God. The God who chose to be born a man; who chose to die on a cross for MY sins. Just for me. And it is selfish of me to put my faith, my heart, my belief in anything other than God. As the old adage goes, “Don’t put your faith in men, they will always let you down.” Or as Psalm 146:3 says, “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.” And even though I am 56 years old, it still hurts when someone you have placed your faith in, your confidence in, lets you down. This is not cause for despair, as I keep reminding myself. Jos 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
To that end, I am going to be joyful over the company of family arriving today; I am looking forward to those gingerbread houses coming together; the smells and sounds of the season. I look forward to the Birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, on Christmas Day. He did all that for me – no man has done that; no man gave his life for me. The Lord and My God did that for me? How could I not have a grateful heart? “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Col 3:15-17.